Excess Hollywood

I just got an advance peek at the first I Want to Be a Hilton." And while I won't tell you who became disqualified, I CAN reveal the reason. It seems that there was an enormous society-type dinner party, and one of the Hilton wannabes thought he or she was making hip, witty, dinner conversation when they asked: "Who cut the cheese?"

I happened to see an unedited version of the show and what I can also reveal is that, in light of the wayward riposte, Kathy Hilton (mom to Paris and Nicky) actually fainted and had to be revived with designer smelling salts before shooting could continue. When you view the first episode of the series (consult your local listings and blahblahblah), if you look carefully you'll note that there are 14 seated at table, and then suddenly, without explanation, only 13 can be seen. Talk about a jump cut!

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Tom Cruise will making an appearance on David Letterman this coming Thursday night. Letterman tends to be merciless when confronted with celebrities possessing one-peanut iq's whose time has passed ("I just can't help myself," explains Dave). To invoke Edgar Kennedy in The Sin of Harold Diddlebock, I predict that Chipmunk Boy should really "rouse the artist" in Letterman.

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EX-CLU-SIVE! It's true that Katie Couric (along with nearly every other interviewer on TV these days) has an overweening tendency to both ask and answer questions of their subjects in one long unbroken conflated roulade. But there is no truth to the rumor that she will be doing her upcoming "Runaway Bride" interview with the latter played by a sock puppet.

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As for the casting of the soon-to-be officially announced film based on the "Runaway Bride's" upcoming (sure to be) bestseller, "Size Isn't Everything," it is now believed that Katie Holmes and NOT Parker Posey, as previously rumored, has the inside track on the lead. And you heard about it here first: There is serious talk that Holmes' intended, Tom Cruise, is on the short list of actors being considered to play the cameo part as the "hispanic rapist" in the extended fantasy sequence. And we do mean SHORT list.

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As for the new films opening these weekend, I loved the original Love Bug movies a lot, but does anyone really want to see a movie entitled "Herpes Fully Loaded" ? I think not!

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Speaking of the new Disney film, has anyone actually ever seen Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan in the same room at the same time? I think not!

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Yes, you can step in the same river twice, but only if you move downstream. . . very fast.

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