Post-Oscar Weigh-in

I thought the playing of music DURING the winners' acceptance speeches was the single dumbest thing I have ever seen in the entire history of the event. Even beyond Alan Carr's infamous stint as producer of the affair in '89.

Did this represent the first time in the totality of human history when music was played DURING a speech? Was the idea to strike the fear of the brevity god into the hearts of the winners, or to drown out the banality of most of the "journey"-ridden blurts in the first place? What could the ubiquitous they have been thinking? Whichever. . .I had to turn the sound down during ALL of the acceptances, so apoplectic did these speeches + music make me. Blood pressure, ya know.

I suppose I always thought that longtime Oscar producer Gil Cates must be a marginally intelligent human being for his ability to keep the trains running reasonably on-time during Oscarcasts. But if this was HIS idea, then he is an idiot of the first water. And if others overrode his veto of the background music, then he's a craven coward at best for not resigning on the spot. Like listening to the acceptance speeches whilst in a hotel loo with Muzak playing in the background.

It's a whole new world I tell you, with only dark, dark days ahead. Mercifully, the music didn't saw away during director Robert Altman's valedictory. Otherwise, I would've hurled the TV across the room. Was I viewing a world-class awards ceremony or riding in an elevator?

I kept half expecting some speaker to interrupt by saying, "Would you keep it down. I'm trying to think up here." Perhaps the winners for the redoubtable "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" might have said, " Wot dat sheeet u whities b playin' while I'm up here representin' fo' MA sheeet?" But no such luck. In the immortal words of me: Gakkkk!

I thought my hero Jon Stewart was just okay (the Bjork-Cheney joke almost singlehandedly redeemed him), and what was the problem with Lauren Bacall? A bad Teleprompter or an ischemic stoke? Whatever the case, it's back to feature-length Tuesday Morning TV commercials for you, dearie.

Oh well, at least BBM, with its gift of false enlightenment for straights and (ultimately poisoned) crumbs tossed in the direction of gays, didn't win Best Picture.