Monday, January 23, 2006

Love is a Fress of Nature

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Although the big screen version of the gay cowboy movie Brokeback Mountain has still not---you should pardon the expression---opened wide, we here at Landfill Productions are fortunate to have received an advance copy of the DVD edition. And although we are not allowed to reveal all the enhanced content that will be included, we have been given permission for our roving entertainment reporter, Chris Schneider, to give you an advance peek at one of the special features of the DVD edition. Take it away, Chris!

Chris: The working title for the Ang Lee-directed "Brokeback Mountain" was "The Man Who Brought Back No Fish." That was in reference to the fishing trips Ledger's character and Gyllenhaal's kept making together, trips supposedly devoted to fishing. Well, the DVD of "Brokeback Mountain" now reveals to us a deleted scene shot while that title for the film was still under consideration.

time: mid-1970s

Jack Twist, now married, dozes in front of a TV set emitting the faint sounds of the voices of Marilyn Monroe and Yves Montand from the film "Let's Make Love."

Fade to:
Image of a stylized "river," with Ennis holding an outsized neon "fishing rod" and Jack sitting next to him.

Jack sings [to the tune of "Let's Make Love"]:

When folks talk of romancin',
Girlish curls ain't my wish.
I hate sissified dancin',
Baby -- Let's Just Fish.

When we're on Brokeback Mountain,
Long cold nights are dee-lish'!
I just spurt like a fountain,
Baby -- Why Not Fish?

I don't want no hoe-down;
C'mon, let's get low-down!
Darlin', when we *go* down ...
All thoughts of a tractor
Or babes with Max Factor
Go "Poof!" like TV's Milton Berle
-- Girl! --

Let fools talk to their closets;
*You're* my tastiest dish!
I love just where my jaw sits,
Baby -- Let's Just Fish!

[spoken to Ennis]
Don't just stand there, *do* something!

Now don't get all right-wing;
Loin-to-loin, we *might* sing ...
Loosen up, you tight thing!
The thrust of your ardor
Makes my heart beat harder;
I'm full as a larder with joy
-- Boy! --

Let me fondle your shirt, now;
It tastes good as a knish.
Must we stand here and flirt, now?
Gawd, boy,
Grab your rod, boy
-- And Let's Fish!

* * *
Reports vary as to whether a dance number was shot, in the style of Busby Berkeley's choreography for "The Shadow Waltz," involving chorus boys in cowboy garb and their lit-up "rods." In any case, there's no sign of it on the DVD.

copyright © Chris A. Schneider

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